Fear

My poetry took a darker twist when I was 17. Hint: It’s not actually about fear. Can you guess what the “it” is?

“Fear” 3-17-99

Something stalks and terrorizes me using all its fright,
making it hard to sleep at night.

I wonder if it’s been there all along,
not asking, but making me sing its song?

“What do you want?” I ponder.
“Oh nothing,” it answers, “I’m only here to wander.”

What if it slays me in my sleep,
taking away all of the things that are mine to keep?

I prepare with all my might to scream,
but it calms me as if comforting a child’s bad dream.

This thing has already killed my best friend,
and now things can never be the same again.

It teases me from inside my mind,
always present but never giving a sign.

“The world in which you live is so cold and dark,
an ideal place for someone like me to leave their mark.”

Held prisoner by this being of all my spite,
I pledge now and forever to do nothing but fight.

Explanation

Poetry at 16. Fairly self-explanatory.

“Explanation” 9-5-97

You live inside my head, causing me much pain and sorrow.

Sometimes I wish you were dead, so I could just get through tomorrow.

When you speak to me, my heart beats so fast.

You make all my thoughts free, and everything done in the past.

People ask me: “How can you say, you love a person before you know him?”

And I answer: “The very same way, you can hate a person before you know them.”

What I fear the most I know is true, the person who lives inside my head just isn’t you.

You-(Kurt Cobain)

I was almost 13 and had just discovered Kurt Cobain and Nirvana’s music when he died in 1994. My favorite Nirvana song is “Pennyroyal Tea.”  I wrote the poem as part of an English assignment and drew the picture for Art.

“You” 4-8-97

We put all our trust in you,
not knowing what you’d been through.

You gave us strength to face our peers,
and looked right through us in the mirrors.

We hear your lyrics every day,
and know you’ll never fade away.

You made me want to scream from towers:
“I’m here now, embrace my powers!”

We all cried out in pain:
“Why’d you leave us Kurt Cobain?”

Your words haunt us in our dreams,
or was that just another of your schemes?

You helped us conquer many fears,
rise up in triumph through the years.

With tears falling like rain,
how could one live with so much pain?

We all lit candles, picked you flowers,
ignored the scandals, and sang for hours.

Under the bridge you’ll stay youthful,
but in the note you were truthful.

We made the mistake of loving you,
not knowing the time our hearts would do.

But, in my heart you will remain,
forever beautiful Kurt Cobain.