Quitting: Is it failure?

Quit. It can be such a negative word. I’ve heard messages my entire life of “don’t quit” or “don’t give up.”

I use the word “quit” with my kids almost every single day in the form of “Quit fighting!” I laugh at that because they’re never going to stop fighting. When they really get into an argument that won’t let up, I make them do more chores. I figure if they’re going to fight, they might as well do something productive while they argue.

We encourage our children to stick with sports or their music, dance or karate lessons that we may or may not have pressured them into taking in the first place. Quitters never win, and winners never quit, right? But let’s get real here, what if someone legitimately sucks at something? Is it okay to quit then? Must they have exhausted all efforts and failed first? Is failing once enough to quit? Twice? Three times?

What if you truly hate what you’re doing? What if doing it crushes a piece of your soul with every breath? Then, is it acceptable to quit? Continue reading “Quitting: Is it failure?”

Thanksgiving

BookcoverI have so much to be thankful for this year. On Monday, I received word from the publishing company that Caroline’s Lighthouse was available on Amazon and the Archway Bookstore. Very briefly during the second day after announcing its availability via Facebook and Twitter, my Book was #95 in the top 100 of one of my categories. I’ve dropped out of that now, but I was there! Soon, the Ebook version will be available, which will be a cheaper option for those who wish to read it in that format. screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-10-22-17-pm

I am thankful for the amazing support of my friends and family and humbled by the positive messages people have sent me about their wishes for the success of my book. I sincerely thank everyone who has cheered for me, shared the link or purchased a copy of the book.

I also appreciate people who are reading my blog posts and taking time to let me know that I’ve reached them in some way. It took a long time for me to gain the courage to put my thoughts out there for the world to see. I am diligently trying to write the truth about my feelings without hurting others, which is why I have not used names for certain posts. According to Google Analytics, my personal posts are getting the most hits. My love history, my ugly post, my love post and my recent post on fear have been the most popular.

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My biggest fear

Fear. It can be crippling. It can also change as we age. What’s your biggest fear right now at this moment? Will you have the same answer tomorrow?

When I was little, my biggest fear was abandonment. After my father passed away, my mother remarried the man who would end up raising me and shaping my life in ways I didn’t know were possible at the time. I was only four, which is how old my daughter is now. I didn’t understand everything that had happened. I just had a fuzzy memory of my mother holding me over the side of my father’s hospital bed and telling me to say goodbye. I hadn’t said anything; I’d just waved. Waving instead of speaking is something my daughter does sometimes when she’s apprehensive about something. She’s afraid of the dark and worries when she thinks I am mad at her.

Not long after my mother and stepfather got married, I began having a recurring nightmare. I think I was about six when it began and it happened several times during the next few years. I dreamt about having to go hunting with my stepfather, just the two of us. In the dream, he made me stand under the water in a creek so that he could stand on my shoulders and look for deer through his binoculars. When I couldn’t hold my breath any longer, I pushed him off my shoulders, and he fell into the water and hit his head on the rocks. He wouldn’t wake up. At that point, I would always wake up crying. Pretty twisted for a kid’s dream, huh?

Continue reading “My biggest fear”