Most commercials for antidepressants show people in despair, lying on a couch crying or dressed in baggy clothing with unkempt hair.
Is that what depression looks like? Yes. Sometimes.
But often, depression can look like a person who has their shit together. A career woman who gets things done. A soccer mom with perfect hair and perfect kids. A lawyer. A doctor. A musician. An artist. A movie star. A writer. Me.
Anxiety medication ads often depict a person having a panic attack, complete with hyperventilating, rapid heartbeat and sweating.
So that’s what anxiety looks like, right? Sure. Sometimes.
It also can look like standoffishness. Indifference. Disengagement. Irritability. Forgetfulness. Me.
Being a mother is stressful. So is being a wife. And being a woman in general. I try so hard to be good at my many jobs and wear many hats, but most of the time I feel like I’m juggling and the joke’s on me because I can’t juggle. I put a lot of pressure on myself.
I’ve wanted to be married and be a mom for as long as I can remember. When I was in high school, I dreamed of falling in love, getting married, and having children right away. I couldn’t imagine not having children soon after getting married because I didn’t think I would be able to maintain enough conversation with a guy who would choose to be with me. I was so clueless. It sounds silly now because my favorite person to talk to is my husband, and only about half of our conversations are about our children. Continue reading “Under Pressure”